Friday, August 8, 2014

Natural Disposition

Get ready for one random blog post. Graham has now started working double shifts on Fridays, which means he works from 3 PM - 8 AM. It is nice for us because he is now practically full-time, but is only gone 4 nights a week. But it also means that I'm alone all Friday nights with things to ponder (total flashback to Zoolander here).. And so, I've felt particularly inspired to blog tonight. Yes, I know not many people really follow my blogs with much anticipation, but I still really like to write about my thoughts, feelings, and my normal life activities. It provides a nice outlet. However, I won't be writing too long tonight because I just started a new book (The Giver, if you're interested).

Speaking of providing an outlet for expression, has anybody heard of the documentary and movement called "Mortified Nation"? It's where people stand up in front of strangers and read old journal entries from their childhood. Now I have some pretty embarrassing journal entries from childhood and my teen years. This documentary inspired me to read some of my old journals. Should I post some excerpts of previous journal entries? What do you think? Do you think it'd be fun to read?

Anyways, I felt inspired to write tonight after mine and Carter's visit to the park tonight. This is an interesting park because there's a diverse socioeconomic population of children and families that play at the park. So, there's some pretty good people watching going on there. For example, there was a group of goth teens, a political fundraiser with elderly people, and a couple of young families. There was a single dad there with his two boys. The younger boy was maybe 4 or 5 years old, and was sitting in one of the swings that is for babies and young kids. He was stuck and no one was pushing him, so he kept repeating, "shit shit shit". I was dying inside, trying not to crack up, and a little glad that it wasn't my kid cursing like a sailor at the park. Anyways, there was a little 2 or 3 year old kid just crying at the side of the park. Carter took notice, and approached him a couple of times to see if he was ok. I was honestly so proud inside of my little, empathetic, observant boy. I got a little teary-eyed just thinking about my sweet boy. He was the only kid at the park who noticed this sad little boy, and tried to help him. It was just a natural instinct in him.

This got me thinking about Carter's natural disposition. Since birth, he has a been a fairly easygoing child with a sweet disposition. Every where Carter goes, people always tell me what an awesome, well-behaved, mild-mannered child he is. I tell them that he's just naturally this way. He is cautious, kind of like me, and empathetic and sweet, like Graham. He apparently helps others without being asked, which is like both of us. How much of what characteristics does he have that are inborn versus learned behaviors? Are children born to be a certain way, and as parents, we just need to do our best to not screw them up? I am unbelievably lucky to be Carter's mom, and I think of it every day. Sometimes I am just inexplicably filled with joy and gratitude when I just look at him or when he says something adorable (which is often). It's always nice to get reminders of how blessed I am.

I am in very dangerous territory right now. I am looking at old family pictures on the computer, and I'm getting more baby hungry by the moment. Can we take just a second to appreciate these photos while I go cry myself to sleep because my baby boy is way too grown up??

I only posted this one because it's a reminder of how far I've come with weight loss. This is obviously before I lost any weight. Yikes!!

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