Thursday, August 14, 2014

Mortifying Myself

So, like I said, I might do a regular installment on my blog with some excerpts from my old journal entries.

I can't find my journal from elementary school and junior high, so these journal entries start in 9th grade when I was 15 years old. This was in January 1998. And honestly, if you read my journal from high school, you would have NO idea what kind of person I was. I was an honors student, a cheerleader, active church goer, sister, youth cheerleading coach, and good friend. Would you know any of that by reading these journal entries about endless names of boys, boys, and more boys? No. Ugh. So, here is 15 year-old me in all my teenage awkwardness. As my friend Hila said, this is wonderful, cringe-inducing awesomeness.

Here's not a bad picture of me from freshman year with my date and ex "boyfriend", Jack. I am almost 15 in this picture.

I'm going to start out with an entry about my freshman year crush named Ben. He was a tall boy that played basketball that was in my geometry class. He might have thought I was cute, but we definitely did not go on a date or out together at any point in time. Although, as I recollect our relationship, he was one of the boys who called me Mrs. Ed and wrote about my teeth in my senior yearbook. This is taken word for word, just to show you my thought process as a teen girl.

"Well, Ben is still my boyfriend.. and I love him as much as ever. Everyone on the internet loves me, so why can't Ben? We're good enough friends, we know each other, I'm not ugly, etc... I guess some things are just not meant to be. That sux in my case. I really love Ben, zits and all. He is so cute when I look at him. When other people look at him, they probably just see a big, nice, friendly guy. That's how I used to see him. Now, I see the real him: GREAT personality, cute, sweet, everything I have wanted in a guy. I think he is one of the most perfect boyfriends you could have, and he even won't try to take advantage of you. Cool! He's my kinda guy. Well, I've been thinking: I wanna get married to Eric (not ___) b-cuz he is so nice and cute! Well, gottsta go. C-ya."

The reason why I took this one word for word is to show you how shallow my entries are, and just how quickly I went from Ben to Eric (who I don't even remember) in the same entry. Also, see my online speak, such as b-cuz, gottsta, and c-ya. And can we also call attention to the comment about the people on the internet? This was in the time of AOL and Instant Messenger, and I had online "friends". In fact, I talked to many of the guys I mention on my journal on AIM.

Next up on my Mortifying Myself section: learning if I was actually attractive to the opposite sex or not.

"I don't like being sweet 16 and never been kissed! So come to me Brian!"

1 comment:

Nilla said...

So so so awesome! Seriously.

I totally understand, though. My journals talk about how I "loved" Derek. And then, a mere week later, "Jack [was] the boy I loved now". Hahaha. Like I even knew what LOVE was.

This is great stuff. Maybe I'm a nutso, but I kind of believe in embracing all of me -- awkward and all.

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