Grateful List

So, I was feeling pretty good this morning, even though Carter and I have basically been stuck at home since Tuesday. He still has his rash, but he's been normal, maybe just a little more whiny than normal. (P.S. my phone autocorrected "whiny" to agony, so I accidentally told my daycare lady that Carter was in agony.. oops.) But, we've been having some good times together. We played outside the past two days, in which Carter has somewhat learned how to ride his tricycle. He can push the pedals hard enough to move, but he's still not strong enough to do it for more than a couple of seconds. So, yeah, I was feeling good this morning...

And then this afternoon happened.

First of all, as some of you may know or have guessed, I have been waiting it out for Graham, to see if he truly can pull through this mess. As I have said, getting through school has been a hotbed of anxiety for him, so I don't feel like I can honestly give up on him yet. And, surprisingly enough, I put on my wedding ring for the first time in 3 months.. (don't judge my ugly hand). But no, this doesn't mean we're not getting back together indefinitely.. it's just a symbol.

But, to get back to my point, Graham has been accepted to Portland State and to the college of engineering, so we were excited that things were on the way. We knew that some classes wouldn't transfer, but we didn't know how many. Anyways, he talked to an advisor today, and a lot of the classes don't transfer.. like a lot. Like, he will be in school for 3 more years because he would have to re-take 5+ classes that didn't transfer (including classes like thermodynamics, numerical methods, etc). So, his options are to continue at PSU, knowing that he has to re-take stupid classes he's already taken, or enroll in Washington State Vancouver, where most of his classes will transfer, but it starts a week from Monday. So, yes, this news sucks..

And then, as soon as I got off the phone with him, Carter was sitting on my lap, he grabs his stomach and starts crying. And then, he starts vomiting up chunks of cheese, nectarine, and orange passionfruit juice... right into my hands, on our rug, and my couch. I carried him crying into the bathroom, where he managed to projectile vomit the same stuff on our carpet.. and we finally make it to the toilet for the 3rd hurl. So, I stick him in the bath while I use stain remover on our stuff. Our couch is already gross enough... Man, I wish I had $500 for a new couch at Costco!

So, yeah, after that, I could not do anything to make myself feel better. Carter tried to "help" me cook dinner, which is completely frustrating, and then a glass bowl dropped on my finger, so I broke out into tears of anger and frustration. Then, I remembered my intention to write this list this morning, and Carter and I played out on our deck.. and my day brightened just a little bit..

This is what I'm grateful for:
--my friend from BYU, Sarah, who visited me last week. We had a long chat, and she gave me the best advice to get close to Jesus Christ and to use the power of the Atonement to be healed. Honestly, she is my spiritual idol. She is always trying to get closer to the Spirit and improve her testimony. She is such a good example to me. Here's a random picture of us from our freshman year of college:

--my job. I have such good benefits to my job, flexible and awesome co-workers, and I can provide for my family. Plus, I've been able to be home for 4 days with my sick boy.
--my workouts. I keep saying I'm taking life one day at a time, but honestly, it's one workout at a time. I work out 6 times a week, so it's easy to get through a week if my goal is just to get through my workout each night. Right now, I've been doing lots of Bar Method videos (holy cow my legs feel the BURN), as well as attending RIPPED classes at the YMCA (which is a fun circuit workout that includes Resistance, Intervals, Plyometric, Power, and Endurance sections).
--my car. It is owned 100%, it runs, and it's one of the only assets I have.
--Carter. He is such a good kid, I can't even say it enough. He is adorable, fairly easygoing for a toddler, and very polite (when he wants to be, of course). I could go on forever...
--high-impact sports bras. This may seem like a *small* thing, but I did an interval workout with 30 seconds of high knees in a cheap-o Target Champion sports bra, and it was absolutely INDECENT. There are mirrors everywhere, so I had to put my hand on my chest to calm my bouncing boobs down. I have some high-impact sports bras from Athleta (Gap's women's sport clothing brand), and they are amazing. Seriously. I wish I had more.
--my parents and family. They have always been there for me, especially now. Thank you mom and dad for everything. Again, I could go on forever.

I am literally looking around my room for things to say I'm thankful for, but I'm out of ideas. I would say I'm thankful for my health, but I'm afraid that I'll drop dead next week if I say that.

And literally, 5 minutes after I posted this, Carter woke up crying because he vomited himself awake... all over his bed, blanket, and pillow. So, I am thankful for a washer and dryer in our house. I don't know how people with kids can live without them..