So where are we now?

Ok, so it looks like I am making weekly blog posts now. I guess you all deserve another update of how we are doing.

I've really been trying to stay busy lately with exercise at the local YMCA. It's been difficult staying motivated to work out at home. I've been doing 2 HIIT workouts a week at home with Turbo Fire, but I needed more accountability. So, I started doing more workouts at the Y. In fact, I was at a kickboxing class on Friday when I saw one of my friends who had been in Japan for several months in my class. So, Carter and her boy played together in the child care area Friday night and Saturday morning while we did our workout classes. Anyways, this is all so boring, I know.. You want the good stuff.

Graham came up to visit this weekend. This time, he didn't just stay up for the day. He stayed the whole weekend, which was a little weird but nice. He slept on the couch all weekend, don't worry. We went to Costco as a family on Saturday (which was a little awkward because we saw an old co-worker of mine), went to church together, and I cooked dinner. It felt like a weird weekend, like I wish it was normal. We dropped by a friend's house from our church on Sunday night. Their 4 kids and Carter played together while we chatted with the parents. It was nice because they were non-judgmental about our situation even though they knew our story (the husband is Elders Quorum President of our ward). It was fun seeing the kids play, but a little bittersweet because mine and Graham's relationship just isn't right. I'm different now.. he's different.. and now our relationship is now different.

It was also bittersweet because it made us both realize how much we had taken our relationship for granted. BOTH of us. Not to go into our problems in too much detail, but we both took our marriage for granted. I have not been perfect either.. Honestly, Graham and I are totally meant for each other. No, not soul mates, just totally compatible. He and I can relate to each other like nothing I've ever experienced. Lies aside, he and I can laugh things out, we can talk for hours, and he is one of the only people that I could be with 24/7 and never get sick of him. After hearing about our situation, one of our friends from Portland said, "If you guys can't make it, how can we?" Hearing that reminded me of our wedding day, when the sealer in the temple (i.e. the man who married us) was performing the ceremony, he said that he'd never seen two people more ready to get married. I also had several friends tell me how awesome it was to see two people so in love on our wedding day. Not to discount the past 5 years as well, but we have been very much in love (except for the past few months prior to Graham's reveal.. they were pretty rough).

Anyways, to those of you in relationships, please remember to cherish your loved ones and your relationships. Sometimes, you learn the lesson the hard way. I'm feeling a little depressed and bitter right now, so I'm really trying to be positive to counteract the negativity. Reality is definitely setting in. And I know that nobody is trying to throw anything into my face, but it hurts seeing happy, loving couples and families. It was just like when I was trying to get pregnant, and seeing people's babies and pregnancy announcements really made me sad.