Friday, May 16, 2014

Why I stayed..

Sometimes, I wonder why I am where I am in life... Why have my decisions led me to this current place (literal and figurative)? Is this just for my personal growth or is it all coincidental or consequential?

I didn't really give much background into why we made some alterations in our life plans, but some of it was related to things that happened last summer, and some stuff from like 4 or 5 years ago. Obviously, not stuff I'm going to share, but anyways.. When I think about some things that my husband did, I honestly want to wring his neck. It's so frustrating to be so mad at your spouse for things that have happened a long time ago, and not get adequate resolution about the old problems. I have forgiven him for many things, but man oh man, some of these things make me want to slap him silly...And just to clarify, I do not advocate domestic abuse (even in jest). I've made some mistakes where I've felt the same way about myself.

But, I continue to love him and stay with him. Even he asks me why I do.. why I continue to accept his faults and love him through all of these problems. When this issue came up back in 2009, he was very depressed, and I wrote him a letter that he kept in his wallet. It detailed all of the reasons why I loved him. He still has it, apparently. He also did the same for me for Mother's Day last year after this all went down, and I keep it at home.

So, to be a little sappy, and to remind myself and my followers of why I'm still married (and happily so), I'm writing a list of why I love my husband (I'll try to keep this appropriate, *wink wink*):

  • He honestly makes me laugh. Every day. He's silly, he's clever, he's a little sarcastic but sometimes cheesy.. I love it. His sense of humor perfectly complements mine.
  • He takes me seriously. He's not one of these men who shakes their head bemusedly about their "crazy wife". He tries to understand what I'm feeling.
  • He does the dishes every day without complaint.
  • I love the way he tells me every day that he loves me. That I'm attractive. That I'm enough..
  • He's such a great dad. Honestly. He gets down and plays with Carter. Carter absolutely adores him. I love seeing Graham as a father, and seeing him lead our family. I could go on and on about this, but I won't.
  • He's very supportive with my activities and hobbies.
  • He kisses me on the neck romantically.
  • He loves me even with all my faults and mistakes. I have never doubted how much he loves me.
  • He allows me to be myself. There have only been a few people with whom I've truly been 100% myself, and he's one of them.
  • He wakes up and gets out of bed every morning just to turn my car on and get it warm before I get in the car.
  • I love him for the man he is and the man he can be. I can't just love him for the best he can be--I also need to love him even through his worst times.
  • He doesn't mind me teasing him (or annoying him, depending on the day).
  • He's very personable and friendly.
  • He's like the only person that I know that I can be with 24/7 and never get sick of him.
  • He gets me. He understands my point of view. 
  • I love that he is actually creative, partly because I don't have a creative bone in my body. Not only can he tell crazy spontaneous stories to Carter, but he also composes his own music. One of my favorite things to do is lay down and listen to him play his own re-mixes and original music on the piano.
Anyways, I love him more than anything.. I want to make things work because he is my wonderful, loving husband, and couldn't imagine life without him now.

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