Have you ever learned something significant about yourself just by life's little stupid things?
This post is dedicated to the lovely game of Solitaire..
So, I used to have a very specific method of how I'd play the game on my computer. If I didn't score a certain amount of points before drawing the first card from the deck, I would start a new game right then and there. It was pretty tiring to constantly start new games and almost never get to play out a full game.
Then, it got me thinking.. "What does this strategy say about me?"
--I'm a very competitive person.
--If I can't win, I just won't play.
--I'm obsessed with winning and points.
Then I started thinking about my life's experiences that totally demonstrate this quality of mine. I thought about my 5 years in Provo, UT, at BYU and the competitive nature displayed there.. and totally saw the same behaviors there. First of all, I hated dances because I felt like I wasn't cute enough to "win" any guys. Then, there were the wards... and the extreme competitiveness I felt comparing myself to the other girls. Flirting was a bust as well.. as sarcasm wasn't always understood by Utah guys.
So did I end up giving up after 5 years of trying to find a guy there? Hmmm.. almost. I mostly just gave up in the small "games", like dances, ward prayer, FHE, etc, but I never ended up playing the game altogether.. just like I have still not given up playing Solitaire, even though I am currently $500 in the (hypothetical) hole on my phone.
I am still trying to work on my inner competitiveness. I don't know about all of you other women who used to play competitive sports, but it is HARD for me not to have something to be competitive about, even if it is just in my head. It annoys me to NO END that I can't just accept other people's achievements and attributes and not compare them to mine. Why do I have to be competitive about everything, even if it is stupid?
Anyways, random ramblings.. I've been meaning to write this one for a long time.
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