One DECADE

We have officially been married for 10 full years. I really can't believe it. I can't believe I am 35, ahem, 29 years old! These years have been the happiest, most stressful, most miserable, and yet most joyful in my life. I wish I could tell you how good things are. I wish I could tell you that we are riding on unicorns across rainbows in the sky. I wish I could say that our love is unconditional and unwavering. I wish I could report how amazing our life is.



Unfortunately, it's not any of those things. Life is hard. Marriage is tough. Raising kids isn't always fun. Building a home (as you all know now) is not a walk in the park.



I can say that Graham is my best friend. There is nobody else that I'd rather be with. He makes me laugh, he frustrates me, he calms me, and he has literally made me crazy at times. Our marriage isn't perfect, but it's been full of laughter and tears.



I wish I could share more about what's going on in our private lives, but I can't. It's not the right time. When we went through hard times ~5 years ago, I was pretty open about our experiences. Now, I'm a bit more hesitant to share.. especially considering how much more jaded I've become. I've been pretty sad--actually sad doesn't even scratch the surface of what I've been feeling--and I've had a few friends help lift me up. It's sad when you realize how little support you have left outside of your marriage. It can be kind of isolating at times. I've been on this crazy roller coaster, feeling like my life was spiraling out of control... with nobody to confide in.. mostly because I don't want anyone to judge me or Graham.



Anyways, I'll share our story sometime, somehow, in some way.



Right now, we are continuing on in holy matrimony.. bound together by our commitments to each other, to God, our family, and this gosh-dang house. We are committed to making this work, for better or for worse.



Maybe next time I'll share some of my favorite moments over the past 10 years..

Until then, I leave you with one wedding photo.

Four Years Later..

Yes, this is a post about my personal life.. so if you're just following my blog for building our house with Lexar Homes, you'll just have to check back next week..

Anyways, over the past three years around this time of year, I tend to look back at my life and see how it's changed. It has nothing to do with the spring season, but with the fact that Graham and I separated on May 1st 2013. If you don't know about our saga, here's the starting point to our journey. Also, this year, Graham and I have now been together ten years.. so it's a particular year of significance for us.

Four years ago, we went through a personal hell. We separated for Graham's own good, for him to get help, and to fully change without me to push him. He needed to be away from his family to fully realize what he had was worth working to keep. Because of the lies he told about flunking out of school and the trust he broke with his lies, it has taken a lot of time and work to rebuild our relationship. Time has been the biggest help, as it's helped reduce the pain. As time has gone by, I've been able to look back with fondness and with a bittersweet outlook. I've learned a lot.. and grown up a lot throughout the years.

To be honest, it's hard to stay with someone after they've broken your trust. I don't mean to make light of other people's serious problems as well, but I'm pretty sure I have a mild case of PTSD from what I've gone through. Whenever I hear a trigger word, or a trigger situation, such as a mention of somebody who has lied to their spouse.. I have a mini panic attack. My heart starts racing.. I get the anxiety poops... I check the cell phone records.. and then I have to call Graham and make sure he's not lying to me about anything. It sucks, but I'm glad I can better understand my response. Plus, my mini panic attacks get better and less severe as the years go by..

It's not easy to be in the position to doubt your spouse. I've doubted Graham so many times about the things he says and the things he does.. For a while there, our relationship required a lot of verification of things he did. He checked in with me when he was at work. Our emails and account were open and available at any time to each other. I've definitely had my moment of complete freakouts where I needed a lot of comfort and reassurance. Mostly, I feel better now. When I hear my normal anxiety triggers, I react much better. I'm not still asking Graham about events like 8 years ago. I'm looking forward to our lives together, and experiencing what life has to offer as we grow older together.

And yet, still.. sometimes I feel a sense of impending doom because things are too good right now. Sometimes I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.. or something else to go terribly wrong. I feel sometimes like I'm not meant to have a happy life. I know friends who have lost spouses at a young age, or be diagnosed with a terrible chronic disease. I've seen people lose young children. My own brother had a brain tumor at 8 years old and a stroke at 32. Life's not fair, and I know it.. but I often fear for the worst. When I got pregnant with Sadie within the first month of Graham returning from Virginia, I was convinced that I would miscarry. Then after I got through the first trimester, I was worried I'd lose her at a young age. I don't know if this is ongoing anxiety, or just plain motherhood that I'm dealing with.. but it's not fun to have all of these negative thoughts.

But really, married life after a breach of trust doesn't have to be all negative. Luckily for me, it was not infidelity, or else I might be singing a different tune. I'm able to have a happy marriage because I married a great man. An imperfect one, sure.. but who's perfect anyways? Graham treats me like I deserve. He never nags or picks at me. He is my absolute best friend. He is an amazing father. After working a 12-hour day, he comes home and immediately helps me in the kitchen or plays with the kid. He helps with the chores. He doesn't complain about my meal choices (although one time he told me that chips and salsa didn't count as dinner, and I almost kicked him out). He is handsome and looks great in a hat. He kisses me goodnight every night. I am freaking lucky to have a husband so caring and perfect for me in almost every way. What we have is worth fighting for.. and I'm so glad we keep working towards eternity together.

And seriously, how can your heart not melt when you see this every day..?

Whelp...

I just realized it's almost been four months since I've last blogged. I have plenty of excuses. I also know that not many actually keep on reading this blog.. but I pretend people do. Anyways, let me elaborate what we've been up to lately and why I've been too busy to blog.

--I alluded to this a couple of times, but Graham started a new job/career in January that required six months of training in Virginia. We knew this from the get-go (they mentioned it in the initial interview), so we were prepared.. but we weren't prepared for him to leave almost immediately. We moved into our house at the end of January and he left at the end of February. We've been apart many times during our marriage, but never for six months straight. Anyways, I had to be somewhat discreet about it because he works for the Department of Defense and they're particular about security. That's all I will say about it. He got back five days late on August 23rd, thank goodness. There's a good chance he will have to travel more for his job, but it will depend on which department he ends up working in. We hope he gets sent to Hawaii or San Diego next summer! We did visit Graham for two weeks in Virginia, where we made a trip to Philadelphia and Washington DC. We also went to the Outer Banks in North Carolina. We don't have any future plans to return to those areas, except for NC. Those beaches were amazing--and Graham went like every weekend when we weren't there. He came home with kind of an amazing tan. But yeah, we did not like Southern Virginia, especially the area where Graham lived. Not a fan of the humidity or the culture.

--We have done some work on the house. We painted most of the rooms in our house, which took wayyyy longer and more money than we thought. (Turned out that Graham was buying premium paint at Home Depot.) We picked a green color we weren't totally sold on, and still, we're not in love with it. But, we didn't hate it enough to paint over it. I asked Graham to do another stenciled wall for our downstairs hallway and photo gallery wall. We bought a big couch like grown-ups. Graham did some landscaping in the backyard to get rid of a trash pile the previous owners left. Pictures of our projects are on my Instagram account.

--We had our housewarming party in September, a few weeks after Graham got back. We had to get all of our painting around the house done and get our house clean. We kind of felt like we were scrambling to get everything done. It was nice to see some friends and make good food. However, Graham cooked ALL of the hot dogs at the beginning, without regard to how many people were there. Needless to say, we were eating hot dogs for a week straight, meeting my hot dog quota for the next few years. Gross.

--We celebrated Carter's fifth birthday (can you even believe it??) in Disneyland with my parents, brother Mike, and my sister practically on Carter's birthday. We were there for Mickey's Halloween party, which wasn't really that cool for kids, honestly. However, the decorations and treats were super cute and delicious. It was so much fun to see Carter's reaction and his face to everything. He went on all of the "big kid" rides that he was tall enough for, like Thunder Mountain Railroad, Space Mountain, and Tower of Terror. He did really well on the rides, but he didn't ask for repeat rides.. Haha. I think his favorite ride was the new Cars ride (Radiator Springs Racers), but he went on the carousels a couple of time. He's intent on returning to California Adventure to ride the "big kid" roller coaster when he's older.

--I'm taking an exam next month to become a Certified Diabetes Educator. I already have a certification as a Certified Nutrition Support Clinician, but that certification requires me to take an exam every five years. With the CDE credential, you can renew your certification every five years by just keeping up in Continuing Education credits. Score! Plus, the CDE credential makes $1.50 more an hour, so if I'm doing the work already, might as well get paid more to do the same work. I'm taking the exam the week of Christmas, which is one of the dumbest things I've ever done. I'm feeling pretty ready for this test, so hopefully it doesn't blow me out of the water. Ask me any question about diabetes medications. I'll know it. I've been studying pretty hard for the past three months, which has been taking a lot of my time and energy.

--Oh, and I'm lazy. Oh yeah, and pregnant.

God will never let me be successful..

I don't know how many of you are as big Seinfeld fans as we are, but we know many quotes and watch the whole 9 seasons at least once per year. One thing that always makes us laugh is Graham's likeness to George Costanza in many ways. Graham may not be stocky like George, but he has other similarities (**cough cough balding cough cough short**).

--Graham has eaten out of the trash like George.
--Graham has to do the opposite of his natural instincts sometimes, like George.
--Let's not forget that Graham had to move back in with his parents for a little bit, like George.
--He also has had many many things go wrong for him, like George.

Related to that last one, our married life has often been a comedy of errors, with everything seeming to go wrong for us (like the day when Graham wrecked someone's ATV and I also washed his new Blackberry in the washing machine).. Or in Hawaii when Graham left his cell phone at the Dole Plantation, I left my cell phone at Sephora, and Graham went swimming/snorkeling with the rental car key in the pocket of his swim trunks.

And now, things are actually going suspiciously well.. Well enough for Graham to say something to the effect of, "God will never let me be successful", like George said in Seinfeld. It's not like we actually believe that, but our luck has never been great (related to coincidence or choices, I guess)..

We have several bits of good family news:

--Graham got a new job. And in fact, it's not just a new job--it's actually a career. He is currently going through a very strenuous and intense hiring process. I won't give too many details, but it's a stable government job, with lots of benefits and potential. It doesn't start out at high as if Graham has been hired on as an engineer, but definitely better than where he's working now. There are some negatives, but we will deal with them as they come (more on that later). Anyways, we are beyond excited for this opportunity. However, this does mean that we will pretty much live in this area forever.

--The even bigger news. This has been my dream for the longest time.. We are officially in the process of buying a house! Once we decided Graham wasn't going to finish his engineering degree, we had to be a little more realistic about where we could afford a house. That limited our selection a bit more, especially when it came to finding a house in a good school district. The schools around here are awful (well, maybe not all of them), so we found an area we like in a good school district a bit farther away.. The bad thing is that it will make my commute to about 25-35 minutes each way. Graham will be able to do a Park-and-Ride parking lot with a bus ride to work. So yeah, we are getting a USDA loan with an amazing deal on a renovated semi split-level home on a cul-de-sac. It has mostly everything that we were looking for, and I am so happy to finally have a place to call home. We should close by the middle of January and be moved before February 1st.

We are just sooooo happy that things are going well for us--FINALLY. Pray for us that everything goes well for Graham's hiring process and our USDA loan approval.

Times, they are a' changin.. Again

Well, if there's one thing I know how to do, it would be how to adapt to new situations. Unfortunately.

However, this is a somewhat good change. Graham was working swing shifts weeknights with one additional graveyard shift on Friday nights. However, some things changed at work, and his hours were reduced back down to 28 hours if he wanted to continue swing shifts, or 30 hours if he wanted to work three 10-hour graveyard shifts. (The company doesn't want to hire full-time employees for these shifts so they don't have to pay for healthcare--love these new laws). So, he took the three graveyard shifts. This means I now go back to working at a normal hour (7:30 or 8:30 AM), and my husband is actually home for dinner every night! So, even though his hours are less, we spend less on gas, I get more sleep, and I have my husband home for dinner every night. There are definitely some blessings to this change.

Also, I don't want to jinx anything, but Graham has an interview at a local Naval base today. This is a big opportunity, and if it happens, it means more life changes as well. We are beyond excited for this interview as he has been applying here for months!

Anyways, I promise I'll get my vlog up soon. Like I said, things have been changing here and I hardly ever get on my computer at night. It is already done--I just have to upload it. I also have an upcoming blog about something I've been thinking about a lot--modern marriage and the play of power and control between spouses. I've been really thinking about how I want to word it because it's been on my mind and something I feel pretty strong about.

Until then, we are off to Hawaii next week! Woohoo!

Otherwise known as... My Unglamorous Life

I wanted to blog tonight about something, but I couldn't really think of exactly what I wanted to talk about. My blog is kind of all over the place, anyways, as I talk about widely varied topics such as my crazy but boring life, makeup and beauty, and nutrition and fitness. Graham is working until midnight tonight, so I have the house all to myself (kinda) until then. Carter is asleep and I have a lovely can of Diet Pepsi at my side.

It has been a looooooooong week. Our hospital just adopted a new electronic medical record system (EPIC, if any of you readers work in health care) on Sunday, so I worked a full week last week, I was on-call last Saturday, and I just worked 50+ hours this last week from Sunday through today. Stick a freaking fork in me. I'm done. I'm still getting used to the new system and getting a more efficient work flow. The biggest problem was that the analysts only gave us access in the system to look at diet orders and allergies, like we were kitchen workers (which, I'm sure, most people think that's what Registered Dietitians do anyways). This was a problem for TWO FULL DAYS at work. So, I got paid for two days in which I didn't do any real work. If any of you follow me on Instagram, you'd have noticed I did a Barre3 workout in my office on Monday. My co-worker was cracking up the entire time while I was doing lunges, squats, and arabesques in our tiny sardine can-sized office. We also watched the movie Memento on Netflix while they fixed the problem.

Sigh. I was on the phone with my mom on Wednesday night, in which I mentioned that we hoped Graham's car would last us another six months so we could buy a new car then. And guess what call I received an hour later? Graham's car died on the freeway. His car is an old, beat up Honda Civic with multiple dents, a taped up window, and rimless tires. I'd put up a picture of this POS, but I don't want all of you to get jealous of what an amazing and glamorous car I get to ride in. Anyways, we had to jump it twice for it to make it another mile to a friend's house. The car is only worth maybe $300 to a junk yard, and the repairs would be $250, so we don't think it'd be worth it to invest more in the POS. So, we are car shopping tomorrow. We need a dependable sedan with good gas mileage that's affordable. We don't have a real plan, other than considering a possible lease with Nissan or Chevy. We will see. I'm not excited because I was more excited to pay off debt--not incur more!

Speaking of my sexy and glamorous life, my co-worker and I had a good conversation today about what real life is and how people can ruin it with their big expectations of what they think their lives will be like. We were talking about the show "Say Yes to the Dress" on TLC, where women spend $5000+ on wedding dresses for one day. We were specifically talking about the women who go in for a $3000 dress but end up trying on a dress over $10000, love the expensive dress, and somehow talk their family into buying it for them. I just think that's setting them up for disappointment of what life is really going to be like, especially marriage. I kinda grew up thinking once I got married, trials wouldn't be as hard. What a joke. Marriage and life are not fairy tales in which everything you wish comes true. Sure, I'm a little jaded and cynical, but I consider myself to be a bit more realistic than anything. A true marriage is not glamorous. It is coming home to the same person every day, dealing with little annoying and mundane things like honey, why the hell can you not leave your shaving cream and eye drops on your side of the sink?, and of course, the big, glaring problems that I've gone through. If you think your husband is always going to treat you like the princess you think you are, then you have some serious growing up to do.

This also made me think of my sister's friend who flew to Hawaii from California for the weekend just to be proposed to. I was like, seriously?? As if getting engaged isn't exciting and wonderful enough, you have to be in Hawaii for a day or two just to pop the question?? I said, the rest of her life is just going to be a disappointment if this is what she thinks her life is going to be like. What is her first childbirth going to be like? Is she going to pull a Jessica Simpson and request a renovation and special room in the hospital for herself, surrounded only by the most beautiful flowers in a spa-like setting? Will her child only drink the finest breast milk? (Sorry, I had to quote Chappelle Show.) Every event in life will not be amazing. If you think life will be this way, you really will be unsatisfied. I cannot emphasize this enough.

If I thought this way, my life would be extremely unfulfilling right now. I mean, honestly, my life is pretty dang boring and kind of sucks sometimes. I see my husband when I'm awake for about 10 minutes a day. I have six hours of toddler time, in which we build LEGO's, read Pete the Cat books incessantly, and play with trains or construction trucks. I make dinner every night, for which I am never thanked by my child. I practically have to bribe him every night just to eat the food that he doesn't appreciate. I get maybe six hours of sleep because I get up at 4:55 AM every day, but if I want to talk to my husband at all, Graham gets home at 10:35 PM every night. Ugh. I am truly exhausted as I type this. Anyways, I am happy with my life, because I don't expect my life to be amazing, glamorous, or even fun all the time. As I've been reading, life is often full of suffering, and I've come to embrace that.

Why I stayed..

Sometimes, I wonder why I am where I am in life... Why have my decisions led me to this current place (literal and figurative)? Is this just for my personal growth or is it all coincidental or consequential?

I didn't really give much background into why we made some alterations in our life plans, but some of it was related to things that happened last summer, and some stuff from like 4 or 5 years ago. Obviously, not stuff I'm going to share, but anyways.. When I think about some things that my husband did, I honestly want to wring his neck. It's so frustrating to be so mad at your spouse for things that have happened a long time ago, and not get adequate resolution about the old problems. I have forgiven him for many things, but man oh man, some of these things make me want to slap him silly...And just to clarify, I do not advocate domestic abuse (even in jest). I've made some mistakes where I've felt the same way about myself.

But, I continue to love him and stay with him. Even he asks me why I do.. why I continue to accept his faults and love him through all of these problems. When this issue came up back in 2009, he was very depressed, and I wrote him a letter that he kept in his wallet. It detailed all of the reasons why I loved him. He still has it, apparently. He also did the same for me for Mother's Day last year after this all went down, and I keep it at home.

So, to be a little sappy, and to remind myself and my followers of why I'm still married (and happily so), I'm writing a list of why I love my husband (I'll try to keep this appropriate, *wink wink*):

• He honestly makes me laugh. Every day. He's silly, he's clever, he's a little sarcastic but sometimes cheesy.. I love it. His sense of humor perfectly complements mine.
• He takes me seriously. He's not one of these men who shakes their head bemusedly about their "crazy wife". He tries to understand what I'm feeling.
• He does the dishes every day without complaint.
• I love the way he tells me every day that he loves me. That I'm attractive. That I'm enough..
• He's such a great dad. Honestly. He gets down and plays with Carter. Carter absolutely adores him. I love seeing Graham as a father, and seeing him lead our family. I could go on and on about this, but I won't.
• He's very supportive with my activities and hobbies.
• He kisses me on the neck romantically.
• He loves me even with all my faults and mistakes. I have never doubted how much he loves me.
• He allows me to be myself. There have only been a few people with whom I've truly been 100% myself, and he's one of them.
• He wakes up and gets out of bed every morning just to turn my car on and get it warm before I get in the car.
• I love him for the man he is and the man he can be. I can't just love him for the best he can be--I also need to love him even through his worst times.
• He doesn't mind me teasing him (or annoying him, depending on the day).
• He's very personable and friendly.
• He's like the only person that I know that I can be with 24/7 and never get sick of him.
• He gets me. He understands my point of view. 
• I love that he is actually creative, partly because I don't have a creative bone in my body. Not only can he tell crazy spontaneous stories to Carter, but he also composes his own music. One of my favorite things to do is lay down and listen to him play his own re-mixes and original music on the piano.

Anyways, I love him more than anything.. I want to make things work because he is my wonderful, loving husband, and couldn't imagine life without him now.

One Full Year

It has been one full year since Graham and I separated, and life has kind of come around full circle.

It's been interesting going through my old blogs during the hardest time of my life. I'm sure some people thought I was crazy blogging about such personal events, but it was really therapeutic and it has a good reminder of the hell I've been through.. the tears, the disappointment, fear, jealousy.. you name it.. I felt it.

I remember going through the first few months of our separation, I was set on divorce as practically the only option. I had a date set in my mind: May 2014.. The time that it'd be official. This was also the date that Graham would've initially graduated from college, so it was symbolic in a way. But then, as the months went on, my thoughts and feelings changed about my options and future. I mean, I committed to this guy for eternity, right.. through thick and thin, better and worse.. no matter how fundamentally flawed he is.

But something I've come to realize myself is that I'm just as flawed as he is.. just in different ways. I can't expect perfection from him when I can't do the same. Just because someone's sins and imperfections are more obvious than someone else's doesn't make them a worse person. Anxiety and depression are very real to me. Just because I don't suffer from a mental illness doesn't mean I can't try to understand my husband better, and at least try to relate to him.

Anyways, Graham has been back for almost five months now.. And although there have been some major bumps along the way, there has been much joy as well. Anxiety (for both of us)--yes. Fear--yes. Frustration--yes. Happiness--yes. It honestly makes me cry to think of our family apart.. how close we almost came to losing everything. There is such a huge difference in Carter's countenance when we are all together, especially since we flip-flop Carter during the days and evenings. He is so much happier.

Even though things can be hard sometimes, we can always find joy and happiness in our struggles. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is real. Every pain, every fear, every trial, every weakness.. can be made better through Him. When people ask me how I got through this, I honestly have no idea. I'm pretty sure the only way I was able to get through last year is because He carried me along the way. For those of you that don't have the same beliefs as me, you know what power and strength it gives you to have faith in a higher power.. to know that there's a greater purpose.. and to know that there's someone who cares about me more than I could imagine.

So yeah, it has been quite the eventful year. I've gained friends, lost friends, joined a gym, learned more about myself, gone on vacation with a toddler solo multiple times on a plane, and gained a greater appreciation for forgiveness and marriage. Can't say I'd like to re-live this year ever again.

And if you're not familiar with my saga: here are some of the links to previous blog posts.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13.

2014 Family Update

So, I got home from work today at 4:15 PM or so.. It is 5:15, and Carter is still napping. I know he's due to wake up any time now, so I'm tip-toeing around the house, hoping Carter will stay asleep a little bit longer..

Anyways, I've been posting about some superficial things lately, like makeup, shopping, wedding gifts, etc, and I haven't really blogged about the more real things in my life. (But can I mention one more thing--the MAC makeup lady at the counter introduced me to this product called Prep+Prime Skin Enhancer in Neutralize, and it is amazing. As many of you know, or don't know, I was blessed with very good skin. It's a family thing. We may not be thin, but we have awesome skin. Anyways, even though I have good skin, I don't usually go makeup free because my skin's color is a little uneven. Without wearing a heavy foundation, which is cakeface gross to me and would totally cover up my freckles, I couldn't seem to improve the uneven skin tone. So yeah, this product totally evens out my red cheeks and makes me look like I hardly even need makeup. It is my new dream product!)

2014 has started out a little rocky. As I've said and hinted at, I've had some major stress and drama from work that has spilled over into my personal life. It's been giving me some major anxiety. I stopped eating for like a week, and I even got down to my lowest weight since Graham and I separated. It's been rough, to say the least. I hate that I can't share more, but it's pretty personal. I know what you're thinking--what the hell, Sherri. You blogged about your separation.. what's the big deal? But, because this is the Internet with all kinds of people reading my blog, I never know who or where this story could reach. Plus, I didn't share many details of my separation. Anyways, this has made life kind of miserable at the moment.. and I can't even resolve it now.

Despite this drama, however, I haven't been this happy at home in a LOOOOOONG time. Honestly, like a year and a half long time. When Graham moved back home, it was a little strange because we had both been living "single" lives and were only accountable to ourselves at night. It's like, I wanted to watch YouTube makeup tutorials and put on makeup before I went to bed without anyone judging me (*cough cough* Graham). He was going to school, working, etc, only coming home to be a husband and dad on the weekends. He didn't want me judging his routines or activities either. So, we needed to adjust to life together again. It was weird. I just can't describe it. Almost like being newly married again. So, the first few weeks, including Christmas vacation, required an attitude adjustment from both of us.

Now, we are finally getting into a groove. Graham got a real job (he was working full-time as a taxi driver at nights until he found a real one) as an attendant/assistant at a group home for mentally disabled handicapped adolescents. It will be a challenging job for sure, but it allows him to work 3-10 PM. I will be working early, from 6 AM - 2:30 PM. Ugh.. but it's all for our good. We'll finally be able to pay off debts. AND, we're still saving money on daycare! So, with all of this going well, and with true honesty and transparency in our home between the both of us, we are getting to a good spot in our relationship. We have our challenging moments (like today when Graham was hangry and responded rudely when I bugged him about his school), but overall, things are great between us. I am happy. There, I said it. It's hard to believe where we've ended up.. and I couldn't be more grateful to everyone who has supported us along the way.

Oh, and now here comes Carter.. at 5:45. Good timing!

Time to turn the page..

So, this single mom, married but separated, chapter of my life is over.

Graham is moving back tomorrow.

He is enrolled back in school up here. He is looking for full and/or part-time work in the evenings or nights. Carter will only be going to daycare part-time (about 2.5 hours per day for preschool) and will be staying with Graham for the rest of the time. This will help us save money, especially if Graham is able to work in the evenings.

I am excited to move on to the next stage of my life. I am apprehensive and a little scared, but prepared for the worst (and the best).

I have learned so much about myself in the past 7.5 months. Apparently, I am much stronger than I know (and many people have told me or my family how strong they've always known me to be). I also have learned to be more patient and more selfless. When you have no other parent to cover for you, everything becomes about your child(ren).. I mean, assuming you're a good parent. I learned to quiet my own frustration and anger within myself, especially when Carter gets upset. I've learned how to have faith in a higher power (more so than I've ever had). I've learned how to pray with sincerity. I've learned to care less about what people think (this is a hard one to learn). I've learned that forgiveness is the greatest gift we have been given: from God for our own sins, a gift we give to others for offenses they've have committed against us, and to ourselves when we learn to let things so. And, I've learned that life often doesn't go the way you want it to. Life throws you curveballs sometimes, and you just have to learn how to deal with that.

Anyways, we are moving on.. I'll keep you updated.

Choices, choices..

So, I am off work for Columbus Day today. My daycare is closed, so I had to take the day off work to be home with Little Dude. Anyways, I'm exhausted, and I was deciding on if I should take a nap right now or not, and I thought about my poor little blog that's been neglected. My blog won out, for a short period of time, at least.

So yeah, Carter was sick this weekend. I mean like SICK sick. Like, throwing up every hour from 2:30 AM to 7:30 PM from early Sunday morning to Sunday evening. Like, couldn't even keep down water or Pedialyte. It was AWFUL. Luckily, Graham was here to help. Carter was such a trooper, though.. The last time he puked, he was fine and was even picking up his toys less than 5 minutes later. When I throw up once (not 3-5 times every hour), I am out for the count. Carter was just awesome, and you wouldn't be able to tell he was sick (unless you saw the picture on Facebook where he fell asleep on Graham's lap--he never does that). Graham brought his Engineering for Kids Legos stuff from work, which have motion sensors and propellers, which make things move. I posted a video on Instagram with a drumming Lego monkey. Carter seriously was entertained for two-and-a-half hours, which is unheard of for our very active child!

Other updates in my life. Things are going well for me at work. I am giving a nutrition support lecture at the hospital next Monday (the day before Carter's birthday, yikes). I also was chosen as to become a super-user for our new electronic medical record system that's coming next summer. I get to attend training for two days next month. I am a little stressed out right now because I am working Saturday, Carter's birthday party with family is on Sunday, my lecture is on Monday, Carter's birthday is on Tuesday, and we are flying out to Utah on Thursday. And then, it's Halloween and it's all downhill until Christmas from there. I'm still bummed that I have to work Thanksgiving this year (my first one alone), but I'm sure I can get an invite from someone here. Also, I am already planning out Christmas activities for me and Carter. He's finally starting to understand Christmas and family traditions, so I'm trying to think of fun things to do that he can remember. We are riding the Polar Express Train when we visit Sacramento, so he's starting to get excited for that.

I am loving this fall weather right now--it is a beautiful, clear, chilly day in the Northwest, and it's just perfect today.

Next time I blog, it'll probably be about Carter's birthday. This is what I'm thinking of doing for his 3rd birthday:


Oreo Construction Cake



Funfetti Waffles

I'll probably be posting more pictures and videos on Facebook or Instagram (user Shewi128) before I blog, so check me out there.

Anyways, about that nap...

13 months and counting...

So, I have started counting down the months until Graham graduates college with his degree in mechanical engineering. May 2014... we are very much looking forward to your arrival!

Anyways, Graham is preparing for his last year of school, picking out his classes and schedule, and getting excited for job prospects. He says that every student in the class a year ahead of him is either going to grad school or has a job lined up. The engineering recruiters in our area are excited to start recruiting students from Graham's program because they are people who want to stay local. So.. we are VERY excited to think we may be able to have a job lined up after Graham is done with school. (In case you were wondering, the internship at the naval shipyard didn't work out due to the Sequester and the hiring freeze.)

I am also celebrating 13 months of exercise and fitness this month! I started exercising March 2012, and I've been steady ever since. I've only missed about 3 days total of planned exercise due to illness or unforseen events. I am currently holding at 21 pounds lost (it has been EXTREMELY difficult to lose weight in the winter gosh dangit). I am 3 pounds above my goal weight, but that's ok. However, I've decided to try to lose 8 more pounds to get down to my new goal weight, which will put me at ~30 pounds lost. I have promised myself a new makeup palette that I really want if I lose more weight. So, I've gone back to doing 20 more weeks of heavy cardio and HIIT training, so I should be done by July or so (i.e. swimsuit season).

Anyways, life hasn't been too exciting. Graham is getting close to finishing his semster and preparing for his summer semester away. We are planning on him being gone for 6 weeks down in Vancouver, WA, and 3 weeks out in Pullman, WA. Even though it is the same amount of time gone as last summer, it's going to suck more because it'll be 5 full days gone instead of 3. I'm not looking forward to being a single mom again for the summer. I am looking for activities for Carter and I to do this summer, like swimming lessons, but that means I have to be in a swimsuit in public, and it's kind of expensive. So yeah, I should post more of the hilarious things that Carter says/does, but I can't commit to blogging more.

One Carter-ism for your enjoyment:

Graham: "ouch!"
Carter: "what happened daddy?"
Graham: "my butt hurts."
Carter: "I kiss it better!" (as he leans in)
Graham: "No, Carter, no!"

I'm also adding some pictures from Easter that didn't make the cut to Facebook.

This is my "I'm getting real tired of your complaining, Graham, and just take the picture already" look.

Ok, maybe just one picture then. Stupid blogger.

Graham's war on terror

Ok, so the title is a bit dramatic, but this story is just too funny to NOT tell.

So, as you may remember, Graham has a tendency to attract other males in the past. More recently though, Graham has been complaining for a few weeks about a male librarian at school that has been "creeping" (his words, not mine) on him in the library. He stares at Graham while he is studying, peers at him over the library counter while pretending to work, and sneaks looks at him through the bookcases. Graham has been really annoyed by this guy's behavior, and has been tempted to confront this guy to ask him what his problem is.

So, yesterday, the guy was staring at Graham again in the library. Graham wisely decided to not confront or beat up the individual, but decided to fight this guy in a different manner-- a "drive-by". Graham farted loudly in the library, stuck around long enough to make sure that it smelled, and then gave the librarian a look as he booked it out of the library. As Graham said, "he knows that I know he knows I did it on purpose".

When Graham told me this story, I laughed hysterically for like 5 minutes and didn't think this story could be any more funny...

Until today...

So, Graham was telling his study group at school about this situation, as they all know about Graham's creeper, and apparently Graham's admirer was eavesdropping on the conversation. He heard Graham say that he told his wife the story, and he poked his head around the corner and said, "Oh wait--you're married?? I knew you weren't gay yesterday, but now I know you're married and straight."

Graham: "Yeah, I'm married... what made you think I'm gay?"

Creeper: "The shoes you're wearing.."

Graham: "Yeah, my wife dresses me.. So my strategy worked yesterday?"

Creeper: "Yeah it was definitely a turn-off."

Let me post a picture with Graham's shoes:

Those are just plain Skechers. Maybe a little on the side of "metro", but not gay (at least by my standards).

Life lesson from Graham: when you don't know what do to when you face opposition, just fart loudly and walk away.

Update

So, I haven't blogged in 2 months. Yikes. I've been busy. Graham has been down in Portland during the week, completing his engineering labs, so I'm a semi-single mom. Pretty much every day, I wake up early, get ready, drop Carter off at daycare, work, pick Carter up, throw something in the oven, put Carter to bed, exercise, and then it's bed time. Free time is minimal and usually I use it to take a bath after a hard work out.

As far as life goes, I cannot wait for the summer to end and for life to go back to normal. I love Graham too much for him to be away this much. Plus, Carter misses him and asks for Daddy all of the time. Work is work..

Vegetarianism has gone out of the window. Although I believe fairly strongly about its principles without getting all self-righteous about it, I just can't do it long-term. I love cooking too much, and not being able to cook beef, chicken or pork made me sad. I have a full shelf of cookbooks that I felt like were going to waste. I love trying new recipes and trying new vegetarian recipes wasn't cutting it. I still plan on eating meat more sparingly and making a vegetarian meal at least 1-2 times per week. I also bought some organic ground beef at Costco that I liked.

Fitness-wise.. I am doing great. I am almost 6 months in and still loving it. I have not missed a planned workout once. I even brought my workout videos on vacation (which my family joined me in, which was a lot of fun). Thanks to my friend Sherilyn who let me borrow her videos, I have moved on to Turbo Fire, which is the Insanity version of Turbo Jam. It is very high intensity, so it requires a lot of energy on my part. I am absolutely drenched with sweat even after a 15-minute workout. It combines high-intensity cardio with high-intensity interval training (HIIT), as well as yoga, stretching, and resistance band training. The HIIT workouts are no joke. I've never jumped this much in my life, including at cheer practice and tumbling lessons. I am in love with the music and look forward to my workout all day long.

Graham says I've become an annoying person who talks about working out a lot now, but that's ok. Both of my co-workers work out a lot, so it's something we all share now. I love feeling the endorphins after exercise and feeling sore after a new workout. I am beginning to like what I see in the mirror. From June 1st-August 1st doing Turbo Jam and Bar Method, I only lost 2 pounds (out of a total of 10) but I lost more than 10 inches. Man do I wish I measured myself in March when I started! Anyways, since I started Turbo Fire July 30th, I've lost 2.5 pounds and 4 inches, including a full inch off my waist in only 2 weeks! I found my measurements from October 2008, and I'm actually smaller than I was then in my arms and waist! My goal is to get down to my waist measurement from my senior year of high school--only 4.5 more inches to go.. If I keep going at this rate, I should be there by October, when we take our family photos for Carter's 2nd birthday! I've lost almost 12 pounds so far, and it's dropping more rapidly with the new workout.

Anyways, hope you all are doing well and enjoying your summers. It's been in the high 70's and 80's, which is unbearable up here. Thank goodness I live in the Pacific Northwest because I am now heat-intolerant.

Carter's going to be a big brother!

Hahaha.. just kidding. I was just trying to catch your attention! I thought with all of the pregnant women I know right now that I'd fit right in.

Anyways, no, not pregnant. Not in the plans for a few years until Graham is done with school..

I’ve been slacking about blogging about our family’s activities way too much! Since most of you live far away and have little chance to see Carter in person or get to know him, I’m going to try to describe his personality so you can feel like you know him a little bit.


--Carter is a mischievous boy. He loves to do things that may “get him in trouble”. He knew he wasn’t supposed to press the cable box buttons, but he would stand in front of it and pretend he wasn’t going to touch anything. Then, he would crouch down and sneakily touch the buttons and pop back up, laughing hysterically. Graham ended up putting a clear Plexiglas cover over the cable box, so the joke is on you Carter.

--Along with the first trait, Carter loves to play and has a good sense of humor. He loves to be chased and sneak up on mommy with dad. He once was hiding behind the door in his room, playing hide and seek with Graham. When Graham poked his head around the door, Carter hit him in the face with a dirty diaper that was on the floor.

--Now that Carter is walking, all he wants to do is walk. No playing with trucks, no puzzles, no stories.. just walking. He does laps around our kitchen and living room, stopping along the way to open cabinets and cupboards and exploring the unknown.

--His favorite words now are “thank you”, “uh oh”, and “amen”. He finally says mommy!

--He semi-folds his arms for prayers, which is adorable. He knows baby signs, like “want”, “more”, “all done/gone”, and walks to the fridge if he wants some milk.

--Carter is actually a cautious child, which is strange considering he is Graham’s son. He will army crawl up to the top of the stairs and peer down, never letting go of the top stair with his hands. I guess his caution is why he didn’t walk until 14 months old!

--He loves to drink the water from his toothbrush every night, which is kind of disgusting.

--When he is tired, he is DONE with everything. He will fuss, close the book we’ve been reading, and point to his bed. No singing or humming is allowed once he’s done this.. believe me—I’ve tried.

--Morning Carter is my favorite Carter. He’ll play in his crib usually until we get him, mumbling in his crazy baby talk or sometimes repeatedly calling out “daddy”. He is all smiles, and will sometimes play tag in his crib (i.e. he will run/crawl from us when we try to pick him up). He also likes to pretend to go back to sleep. He’ll lie down, grab his blanket and turn on his sound machine giraffe.

--Carter is a skinny little guy! At his 15 month appt, he was only 19.2 lbs (<3rd percentile) and 31 inches (50th percentile). He gained enough weight that he doesn’t need to see a Dietitian (like I would go see one anyways hah), but he’s just a little guy. His head circumference continues to be in the 50th percentile, so Graham calls Carter a balloon, like Mr. Mackey on South Park.

--Carter’s favorite foods: cheese, chocolate (of course), beans, and bread. Dislikes: deli meat, pork, and pasta (I mean seriously, what kid doesn’t like pasta??).

Anyways, I’ll keep updating as much as I can.

My apologies

I have been a bad blogger my friends. I do have an excuse though. Graham has been working on an engineering project for school (total yawn, but he's really excited about it), which means he is up late every night working on homework and stuff.. heretofore hogging the computer EVERY night when Carter goes to bed. That means I'm stuck watching TV alone for 2 hours, or reading other people's blogs on my phone.

What have I been up to you ask...

--Avoiding meat still. I almost died the other day at work. They had fried chicken, which I don't even like, but I was drooling just thinking about the moist chicken inside. I got mac & cheese and green beans, which was a poor substitute. We've gotten used to the no-meat thing, so it really hasn't been too big of a deal.
--Couponing. Still reading my blogs and gathering my weekly coupons from online and newspaper. Albertson's has been having double coupons a lot lately, so I've been busy.
--Raising my crazy 13-month old child. Seriously. He loves any and all carbs (especially graham crackers, Satsumas, and homemade bread). He loves to throw food on the ground from his high chair and then laugh like Chucky when I get down on my hands and knees to clean up after him. He gets CRAZY in the bathtub. He tries to swim (including putting his face under the water), and even makes whirlpools back and forth. He knows how to turn off/on the water. He is an AWESOME catch player. He can throw 2 balls at once. Anyways.. you all know Carter is awesome. But, he still isn't walking. And, his weight has gone down to the 3rd percentile, so he has an extra weight check coming up in 2 weeks. His head, however, has remained at the 50th. Graham calls him a balloon.

--Work. We hired ANOTHER new Dietitian, who just started last week. It'll be nice once she is trained and everything, but right now it's difficult to get everything done.

A little something to make you smile.  :)

So I hope to get back on the blogging wagon as soon as Graham's school work lets up a bit. Oh, and my 29th birthday is coming up soon. How did I get to be so old??

There's a WHAT in my drink??

So, Carter's birthday was this weekend (pictures coming soon), which means our house was packed full of family for a couple of days.. Which also means I wasn't going to sleep very well, being a light sleeper and all. I was up early every day, due to Carter's schedule.. definitely not by choice, preparing for his birthday party and guests.

So, I depend on my daily Diet Coke in the morning. Call me addicted, whatever. I don't care. It's delicious.

On Sunday morning, I decided to finish the Cherry Coke Zero I'd left on the coffee table from the night before. It'd be flat, but hey, it'd still taste good.

Later that morning, Graham, 2 of his brothers and I were playing pinochle before church. I was leisurely sipping my soda, enjoying our card game.. when I got to the end of my drink and something NOT liquid slipped into my mouth. I thought it might've been crumbs or something that accidentally made its way into my soda can. I spit it out and took a second look...

It was a freaking PINCHER BUG!!

I screamed for 10 seconds.. And Graham's family laughed for like 10 minutes. Can you believe the bug was still alive after chilling in my drink all night?! Ick.. even just typing this story makes me itchy.

So, ladies and gentlemen.. I now fully believe in karma. Let me explain why.

A few nights ago, I was cleaning up after dinner on the dining room table. Graham often leaves crumbs on the table after eating (we had corn muffins, so it was extra messy), so I was scooping them into my hand. Since Graham had left his soda on the table, I figured it was empty, so I dumped the crumbs and grated cheese into his soda can. When I picked the can up to throw it away, I realized it was practically full. A normal wife would probably dump out the soda and tell their husband about it.. An evil (ok, maybe mischevious) wife like me would do something different..

I left the can on the table and didn't tell Graham. When we were watching TV together later, I asked Graham is he was going to finish his soda. He went and grabbed the can and drank away. I somehow held my laughter in as he kept drinking. As he got near the end, all of a sudden he started gagging and ran to the sink and spit out the soggy crumbs/cheese. By then, I'm cracking up... literally tears were running down my face (see.. am I not totally evil?).

Graham was still gagging, trying not to throw up. You see, soggy bread is his ultimate enemy. He will not even finish the last bits of hamburgers if the bun gets soggy at the end. He was yelling, How the heck did this happen? What is in this can?

By now, I can hardly speak I'm still laughing so hard. I did confess that it was an accident.. but Graham vowed that somehow he would pay me back. As it turns out, he didn't have to. The pincher bug was payback for my joke. Tit for tit right?

The only craft I've ever made..

So, last year I decided I'd do one crafty thing for Carter before he was born. I decided to hand-sew a felt stocking from Herrschner's. My mom made felt stockings for all of our family growing up, so I figured I would continue the tradition. I really didn't think it would be that hard... until this packet of STUFF showed up in the mail:

A ton of felt, sequins and string. I didn't even understand what techniques of sewing/embroidering they wanted me to do, and I almost gave up. Graham even had to help me figure out how to correctly sew a sequin on!
However, after months of long hours on the couch while I was pregnant, watching LOTR with Graham and sewing sequin after sequin, I finally finished (actually my mom helped me finish) the stocking the week after Carter was born. He had a cute stocking ready for his first Christmas:

Now, if only I could get rid of Graham's perverted stocking and make him a real stocking as well..

He's at it again..

Remember Graham's hatred for my stuffed animal?

Well, my dog should've been prepared for this:

Death by toys..

End of Summer

So, it's my favorite time of the year..

The time when I get to put up my FALL decorations. Woohoo!

There are other reasons I love the fall season coming up this year..

1) It's almost time that I will stop being a single mom and Graham will be home before 10 PM every night..

2) Carter is turning 1! But, I haven't decided on birthday stuff yet..

3) I love the slight chill in the air and the reminder of high school football and cheerleading. I love the turning colors of the leaves and trees.

4) Sweaters.. although I CAN wear sweaters practically all year long here in the Northwest.

5) Soups and stews.. More dinner choices..

Life is boring lately. I work, pick up Carter from daycare, make dinner, work out, and put Carter to bed.. and then wait for Graham to come home.

I have started working out again, though.. which is definitely a good thing. I freaking hate this baby paunch that remains from my pregnancy. I don't even like to look at my body in the mirror anymore! And, what's with the saggy boobs?!

What's Carter up to lately? He's learning to "crawl like a man", ie, on all fours.. He still loves his army crawl though. He's started pulling himself up on stuff, which is not fun. He sometimes wakes up in his crib sitting up and crying because he's too tired to lay back down. He still is the cutest boy ever with the happiest disposition ever. He like never cries and is always smiling. His eyes are turning the coolest hazel color. His hair is still blond, and is growing out after his haircut. He is currently sprouting his 6th tooth. He loves ALL food, from quinoa with zucchini to Greek yogurt with fruit. His favorite food has unfortunately become the Graham cracker, which we are limiting to one half-cracker daily. He also is able to drink water from a sippy cup.

Graham is finishing his ice cream truck driver job next week. He heads back to school on September 19th and is gearing up for a hard core quarter of engineering physics and differential equations. We recently got a new desktop that has enough memory for Graham's engineering programs so he can do homework at home.

It also means we are getting the internet at home soon.. So I should be posting more.. but like I said, life isn't exactly moving fast here..