Charity

Somebody posted this quote from Marvin J Ashton (an elder of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) about charity, and it particularly touched me:

"Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other."

Anyways, just a random thought that has helped me to be more Christ-like when dealing with others.

My spiritual side

So, as many of you may or may not know, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (a.k.a. I'm "Mormon"). I was born and raised in the church, but my activity in the church has been spotty at times. Although I avoided church, especially when I went to BYU, I never faltered in my testimony of Jesus Christ and what He has done for the world (and me).

With that said, if you don't feel like reading on, feel free to close the blog and come back on a less serious day. And really, I don't feel like debating any doctrine or beliefs, so I'm blocking comments on this post.

As a completely unrelated side note, I am listening to "Life and Death", a piano and orchestra song that is featured in the show LOST. This particular version is played by Paul Cardall, who is also Mormon. I consider it my muse when I'm writing something serious. Graham also used to play beautiful piano re-mixes of this song.

Anyways, we as a religion definitely have some doctrinal peculiarities, particularly ones that have heavily influenced my thoughts that I will voice today. One of which that I will discuss is the concept of The Fall (of Adam and Eve). We believe that Adam and Eve first lived in the Garden of Eden, in a state of innocence, having no sorrow or joy. When Adam and Eve partook of the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, they became "as gods, knowing good from evil". They also were banished from the Garden, becoming subject to death, having to work by the sweat of their brows, and bearing children. One particular part of the scriptures that stuck out to me was the fact that the Lord cursed the ground, and allowed thorns and thistles to grow, to somewhat force Adam and Eve to work for their food and living, unlike in the Garden of Eden where plants grew easily.

So, why is this one random part of doctrine stuck in my mind?

Let me remind you of Mormons' belief in eternal marriage. The thing about our church is that we believe that Joseph Smith restored the ancient Christian religion set forth by Jesus Christ, including the Priesthood, which is the power of God given to men on Earth. Our belief in this sets us apart because we believe that by the power of the Priesthood, we have the power to bind a marriage on Earth and in Heaven. So, when someone gets married (or "sealed") in the temple, the man and woman, as well as their progeny, are sealed together forever. Even though it seems like us Mormons get married young and commit to marriage quickly, most of us take our temple marriages very seriously. (However, not all Mormons get married or sealed in the temple, in case you're wondering.)

So, not only do I have a strong belief in the covenant or promise that I've made with God and with Graham, our marriage "priest" (or otherwise known as "sealer" in the temple) mentioned "The Fall" in our marriage ceremony. Let me preface this that every single "sealing" I've been to in the temple has been different. Usually, the sealer will talk to the couple, quote some scripture, say some inspiring things, and then get down to the ceremony (which is the couple kneeling across the altar from each other). It's only 20-30 minutes total. Our sealer talked to us about marriage being like The Fall of Adam and Eve, meaning there is a time of innocence in marriage, not knowing the true difficulties of marriage... otherwise known as the honeymoon period. And then, there's The Fall. Reality sets in. Marriage isn't easy. Conflicts arise. Imperfections are made clearer. The difficult thing about marriage it that it is made up of two imperfect people. And then when you add in children, life becomes much more difficult.

Graham and I easily relate to each other. Our relationship, although fraught with lies at times, comes easily to us. We don't argue, although we may get upset at the other person's decisions. We calm each other down when the other person is stressed or angry. We balance each other out well. For the first two years of our marriage, I was in complete bliss. Blissful ignorance, I guess. I had no idea what was going on with Graham, and I never doubted a single word he said. Then, when the truth came out in 2009 that he was lying and had other problems, I considered that to be the Fall. I then knew my husband was imperfect. We had our bad moments in the past 3.5 years, but we had some amazing times. I just remember times when my family and my home were my life. There was no place I'd rather be than at home with Graham and Carter. The few months prior to Graham's reveal in April.. I didn't feel like that. Things were different.

And now, I feel like I finally know my husband.. the whole person. Not just the side of him that he wanted me to see. Things aren't easy in our relationship. He has some serious anxiety, which causes him to act the way he does sometimes. He's trying to be 100% transparent with me, in his activities and everything he does while he lives with his parents. I still feel crazy at times with periods of paranoia and anxiety. I worry about him, whether or not he's telling the truth. I worry about a lot of things about him. Instead of letting this consume me, I go on with my life, acknowledging that he still can lie to me about things, but that it will all be revealed in the end, sooner or later. Our relationship is more strained, obviously, because there are physical and emotional barriers between us. And isn't this relationship and its complications more like the thorns and weeds that weren't found in the Garden of Eden, but instead were found in the lone and dreary world? I mean, I still have a choice to accept this as my fate, but I definitely feel like our sealer was inspired to use this counsel for us in our marriage ceremony.

But, one more practice that is unique to our religion would be patriarchal blessings. Like I previously stated, we believe that we have the Priesthood here on this Earth, which allows us to receive (and give) special blessings to members and non-members of our church, depending on a person's faith.. just like Jesus Christ did. A patriarchal blessing can be likened as a guidebook for a member's life and choices, depending on a person's faith. Anyways, I won't say much about my own blessing, but mine tells me to "accept the negative aspects of life", and that I will have much joy, but also experience temptations and many trials of faith. Obviously, this is the biggest trial that I have experienced so far. And yes, I have to accept that my husband has some serious issues, and whether or not I want to accept him and HIS negative aspects is still something I have to decide.

What I'm Really Made of

So...

As some of you may remember, Graham and I have been having some problems with money lately.. There just never seems to be enough!

Anyways, besides that.. and partly because of that.. Graham and I have been treading through some troubled waters lately. I'm not here to air our dirty laundry, but I feel like being honest and completely real.

Honestly, our marriage is not perfect, even though I often thought it was.

Life is not about skating through it without any trials.

Don't worry... We are not separating, even temporarily, but I'm not gonna lie.. It's been rough. My life has been relatively easy until now. Marital troubles are so much more intense than anything else.

Before this, I believed I was weak, spoiled, lazy, unforgiving.. nothing too impressive.

But going through this has opened my eyes as to what I can achieve and who I can be.. I am so much more than I thought. I am faithful, loyal, supportive, and forgiving. I do not wallow in self-pity. I look forward to the future, full of hope.

Our marriage is getting stronger everyday.. thanks to our strong bond and temple marriage. The gopsel of Jesus Christ is true and can lift you up even from your deepest lows.

Just wanted to be open and honest about what's really going on in my life.

Finally

So, our internet-sharing neighbor moved away, so we're finally getting our own internet service at home. This means I might blog a little bit more than I have been lately, but might not.

Anyways, life is changing quickly. I start working 5 8-hour shifts in a couple of weeks, as well as 2 weekends per month. But, I still have a job.

Graham is still looking for a job, but our bishop just offered him a part-time job where he does clerical work for him. I think he's a financial advisor or something.. but the details aren't totally clear to me. The money will be good, though.. allowing us to pay off our debts a lot faster.

Graham also got called as the Young Men's president in our ward. I got released as the assistant to the secretary in the Relief Society presidency. No calling as of yet.. but I sure hope it's NOT in Primary.

We're also selling my 2003 Nissan XTerra. It has low mileage (65,000 miles) and is in great running condition with new tires. Know anybody who's interested?

Interesting Ward

So, Brem Brem is an interesting place.. It's kind of a beat up, run-down, and tired town. The city planners are trying to revitalize the downtown, but with the economy being the way it is, it's slow and the people here are trying to resist change..

The first time I drove through Brem Brem was to my first job interview at the hospital. I was like uh wow... this is kind of ghetto. It's a gorgeous area, but the town itself is run-down.. with a lot of public housing units... you know--the "projects". So yeah, there's a lot of low-income people and military people. Let's just say it--a lot of white trash.

We live in the part of Brem Brem that has a lot of the low-income housing units, so our ward is quite interesting. We have rich people that have lakefront houses, low-income people, elderly people, and some young people who just started working at the shipyard as engineers. There are a lot of elderly people in our ward, which isn't a bad thing, but most of them are in Relief Society because the younger women are in other callings. So, us young ones in RS sit there while the rest of the women laugh at "old people humor".

The reason why I bring this up is because when I first got into the ward, they found out that I work full-time... which I didn't think was a big deal.. until they asked me if I'd have enough time to do visit teaching. Uh yeah, duh.. I work a normal 40-hour workweek and I don't have kids.

So, I just got a calling as assistant ("to the") secretary in RS. I got an email about weekly RS presidency meetings, and they were worried that I wouldn't be able to go to meetings because I "work long hours".

Wtf? I'm thinking that a working LDS woman must be quite rare here in good ol Brem Brem.