Life-Changing Revelation

When we were getting ready for bed last night, I told Graham that I had a life-changing revelation today. His first response was, "is this serious, or are you joking about makeup or something ridiculous?"

Ok, so I do joke a lot about important and stupid things... which is kind of what this blog is about.

Maybe you already know this, but it took me 36 years of my life to realize this.. Guys don't like funny girls/women.

Why was this such a shocker for me?? Even as a woman, I personally don't like a lot of female comediennes, but this is different. I like guys with a good sense of humor. I always have. I'm not unique in this trait, but I always assumed that because I found a funny guy attractive, that a guy would also be attracted to me because I am funny.

My journal entries throughout high school and college are filled with the mystified thoughts of why guys didn't like me because I was: 1) smart, 2) funny, and 3) cute. I thought these traits should make me irresistible, right? Some of my journal entries from high school and college are written below:

“I just don’t understand why I am a friend girl to everyone! I thought guys liked funny girls.. 
I thought being myself would help also. However—nothing seems to work!"

 "I just thought guys liked funny girls… 
From my track record, that would be a loud, resounding NO.”

I came to the conclusion in my 20's after I was married that most teenage boys and college guys absolutely do not give an F about #1 and #2. Some might, but most are concerned about looks.

And finally in my 30's, I have realized that most boys/guys/men do not want a woman who is funny in her own right.. and this is backed by science. There are many psychological studies that demonstrate that women find humor attractive in a male, but this is not reciprocated by men. Men find a sense of humor attractive, but it falls under the category of "humor appreciation". This means women who laugh at men's jokes are found to be more attractive. Men find some funny women (especially those with a male or aggressive sense of humor) to be a challenge or a threat, whether it's to their ego or whatever.

#notallmen

The same study states, however, that some men find funny women attractive. These men are usually older, more educated, and have higher self-esteem. Maybe you're a guy and you're reading this, and you're offended by this because you like funny women.. Good for you. More power to you. I like you already.

Also, I wanted to clarify that the study does specify that while men may enjoy jokes from women, they "rarely want to marry them". That's a sad generalization.

As I've gotten older, I've also realized that the kind of humor I employ has an effect on others. I love self-deprecating humor. I make fun of myself a lot, and sometimes I assume others do too... Poor assumption, I know.

Case in point... I was at a young single adult church activity with some friends and some people I had never met before. A guy I had never met was calling a girl to ask her a question about something. She didn't answer, and the guy said, "oh, she missed my call", to which I teasingly responded, "Oh, she's probably just avoiding your call". He gave me a look of death and asked rudely, "Do I know you?" I should have known that joke wouldn't be funny to him--he was a law student. He was much too serious to laugh at himself.

Another example... I was at another church activity. It was field day races, and a cute guy was on my team. We were doing potato sack races, and when our team won, I flirtatiously remarked, "Oh, you must be good in the sack." He laughed nervously, and then never talked to me after that night. Turns out that some Mormon guys are uncomfortable with sexual humor. Awk-ward.

I also learned that sarcasm can be a little funny, but is not really desirable in a long-term relationship. In high school and college, I was probably wayyyy too sarcastic and mean. I had some self-esteem issues that made me insecure (still do actually), and sarcasm was my deflection technique. I dated some sarcastic guys in college, and while they made me laugh, it really wouldn't have worked out. Eventually sarcasm can be mean and degrading from a romantic partner.

Thankfully, I met Graham. While he admits that he was a bit intimidated by me (I am older, funny, and smart), he has enjoyed my humor since we met. To me, Graham has the perfect mix of all my favorite kind of senses of humor: goofy, self-deprecating, and some sexual. He made me less sarcastic and less mean. Is that what love does to humor? Is your sense of humor dependent on your mood and your relationship?

Anyways, I still love to joke with men.. just to mess with them a little bit. I love some good clever and witty banter. But the last thing I'm now wondering about me is if this is considered to be flirting...? I'm going to chew on that for a bit.

I'm willing to say that most of it is based on the situation I'm in. I do joke with my patients at work to make them feel comfortable, but I don't joke flirtatiously (although I'm fairly certain some of my male patients have taken it that way). As far as my interpersonal relationships with men and other friends, I try to be really careful with how I joke because sometimes I take it too far (just ask Graham's family).

When it comes to my sense of humor.. I'm going to leave this journal entry from 2003 to describe how I feel...

“If I wasn’t myself, I don’t know how I’d live. 

If I didn’t find humor in everything, life would seem so bleak.”

I'm too embarrassed to post any photos of me doing totally weird stuff to be funny (I have lots of those), but here's a good example of how me and my roommates tried to be funny and creative in college. 

Mortifying Myself #2: Building my self-esteem

So, I was pretty insecure as a teenager, as many girls were. This has remained with me even throughout adulthood. Anyways, my junior high years were rough because I never felt like boys liked me, even though I did have a "boyfriend" at a different junior high in the area in 8th grade. So, in high school, I got a little more attention from boys, especially since I was a cheerleader (probably what I'd been hoping for). Every time I thought a boy was looking at me, or thought I was cute, I would write about it in my journal. That's how important it was to my self-esteem. I became friends with an older boy who played basketball on the varsity team, so we talked a lot and he would tell me some of these things..

Me at 15-16 years old:

2~8~1998
"Well, Friday nite, I found out more guys think I'm cute than I thought. Tom and Josh do, and so does Keith (since he always stares at me) and so does Peter.. (Ben probably does too, because he looks at me too.)"

2~12~1998
"Several guys on the varsity basketball think I'm cute, and I think I will be a babe when I'm older. Boy, I can't wait!"

2~14~1998
"He said he, Keith, and Ryan were talking about me at the basketball game. They were talking about how nice a body I have, and how great it will be when I get old. He said I was 'well made'."

3~7~1998
"Well Sadie Hawkins [a girl-ask-boy dance] was last night. Everybody else was excited, except for me. I didn't wanna dance w/ Doug! I ditched him on a couple of songs. Rian kept trying to freak with me and stuff, and I did for not very long, and I think Doug saw us. Maybe that should be a hint Doug!...All of the seniors said hi to me tonight. I just attract the older guys! Also, I didn't get to dance with Ben, so that was pretty bad. But, Aaron pinched my butt and I think Dustin likes me, so, Gottsta go. C-ya."

3~13~1998
"Well, I have found some more guys who think I'm cute, Doug ___,baby! He is such a babe!"

4~17~1998
"P.S. Josh said he doesn't like me; we are just friends. That doesn't mean he doesn't want me!"

5~25~1998
"I can't believe my freshman year is over!! I liked being a freshman. The year has gone by so fast!! The best part was the 2nd half, when I realized I was cute, and people would like me if they could."

Anyways, that's all I will torture myself with right now. You get the idea: I was obsessed with boys, and learning that I am actually attractive to the opposite sex.

Next installment: learning how to flirt as an awkward teenage girl.

Insecurities

All right, so I've been putting off this blog for a while.. Not because I've been too busy, but because I've been thinking about how I want to word this blog. I've also been exhausted from work (this flu season has been CRAZY at the hospital). So, I apologize for the lapse of time between my last blog and this one.

Graham and I were talking about our insecurities recently, and that many of our lives' problems stem from these. Graham's main one is that he wants people to think he's a good guy, and that he wants people to think only good things about him.

My insecurities are that I'm not enough.

I'm not thin enough

I'm not pretty enough

I'm not smart enough

Part of this comes from my parents' obsession with weight growing up (sorry mom). My mom and dad often focused on losing weight, being healthy, and eating healthy food when I was young, and even now. I can't blame this on my parents though, although this obsession with weight and health did contribute partly to my insecurity about myself. I was always self-conscious about the way I am or the way I look, even when I was young. If you read my journal from early on, I was always focused on which boys liked me, didn't like me, or how few friends I had. I was one of the smart kids in class, and one of my journal entries when I was only 12 years old focused on the fact that nobody called me unless it was a question about homework. I was overly concerned about my appearance, whether or not it was regarding my social status or my looks.

I was obsessed about boys even from an early age, and I even had a few "boyfriends" in elementary school. However, in junior high, the awkward social times and awkward looks hit. I had braces, a long face, and lots of freckles. I liken my junior high face to Butthead (as in Beavis and Butthead). I had a huge crush on a boy in junior high, who didn't even know I was alive until someone told him that I had a crush on him. When a girl from church asked him if he liked me, he replied, "hell no!". And, that's when my complete and utter insecurity about my attractiveness to the opposite sex began. When I got my braces off in 8th grade, I immediately felt more pretty, but some boys in my classes (including one I had a crush on) started calling me "Mrs. Ed" (as in Mr. Ed, the HORSE), and saying "it's all in the teeth" (meaning I had big teeth and a long horse-face). Man, this is all sounding extremely terrible when explained all at once. The "Mrs. Ed" and "it's all in the teeth" comments continued periodically throughout high school. In fact, one of the boys actually wrote it in my senior year high school yearbook. Even though I was a cheerleader, I wasn't popular, but I had my own group of friends. I was in all of the honors and AP classes, and I participated in weekly church activities, but I never really felt like I fit in anywhere. I had a boyfriend my junior year of high school, but that was the only year where I actually got asked to a dance.

So, from all of these years (very formative years, mind you) of insecurity, I still have issues about being attractive to the opposite sex. Even though I'm married, it's still a struggle for me. When I was younger, if some boy even showed a minor interest in me, I would definitely take note and they were more attractive to me.. just because I thought they might like me. Kind of ridiculous. Eventually, I grew into my long face and it filled out a little, and I think I've definitely gotten more pretty as I've gotten older. But, these insecurities remain, even after all these years. It's especially evident when I go back home. When I go back to Folsom, I feel like I return to my old, insecure, high school self. Now that I'm up here in Washington, I feel like I've made a name and home for myself, no matter my history. Obviously, with my recent foray into fitness and beauty, I've become a bit more obsessed with my appearance, which may or may not help with my insecurities. I can only hope that one day I will be less concerned about my outward appearance and more concerned about who I am on the inside, no matter how cheesy that sounds..

And now, for your viewing pleasure.. some awkward pictures of myself growing up. I had a lot of fun picking some of these out.. previously unpublished on Facebook or anywhere else!

Look what my school district gave me when I graduated high school. Adorable, right? I mean, a big gap between your two front teeth and freckles are cute only when you're 10 years old.

 Oh, the braces..

Me and my best friend, Heather, in 8th grade after I got the braces off. Can I go back in time and remove the white eyeliner and copper lip gloss? Oh, and in case you were wondering, we were wearing tank tops, but they're hard to see. You would not believe the rumors that went around our school..

 Freshman year homecoming dance. Not fun.

Junior year of high school, when I used to rock lighter hair.

My first day in my college dorm.

My last day at BYU!

Me now.. flirty, 30, and thriving..?

FYI, this post is not a "pity me" or "compliment me" post. It's just a big part of who I am and why I am the way I am.

Graham's war on terror

Ok, so the title is a bit dramatic, but this story is just too funny to NOT tell.

So, as you may remember, Graham has a tendency to attract other males in the past. More recently though, Graham has been complaining for a few weeks about a male librarian at school that has been "creeping" (his words, not mine) on him in the library. He stares at Graham while he is studying, peers at him over the library counter while pretending to work, and sneaks looks at him through the bookcases. Graham has been really annoyed by this guy's behavior, and has been tempted to confront this guy to ask him what his problem is.

So, yesterday, the guy was staring at Graham again in the library. Graham wisely decided to not confront or beat up the individual, but decided to fight this guy in a different manner-- a "drive-by". Graham farted loudly in the library, stuck around long enough to make sure that it smelled, and then gave the librarian a look as he booked it out of the library. As Graham said, "he knows that I know he knows I did it on purpose".

When Graham told me this story, I laughed hysterically for like 5 minutes and didn't think this story could be any more funny...

Until today...

So, Graham was telling his study group at school about this situation, as they all know about Graham's creeper, and apparently Graham's admirer was eavesdropping on the conversation. He heard Graham say that he told his wife the story, and he poked his head around the corner and said, "Oh wait--you're married?? I knew you weren't gay yesterday, but now I know you're married and straight."

Graham: "Yeah, I'm married... what made you think I'm gay?"

Creeper: "The shoes you're wearing.."

Graham: "Yeah, my wife dresses me.. So my strategy worked yesterday?"

Creeper: "Yeah it was definitely a turn-off."

Let me post a picture with Graham's shoes:

Those are just plain Skechers. Maybe a little on the side of "metro", but not gay (at least by my standards).

Life lesson from Graham: when you don't know what do to when you face opposition, just fart loudly and walk away.

Dating..

So I've started dating someone, but my family hasn't been torturing me with a million questions like they usually do.

However, my dad did send me this odd, and slightly disturbing, e-mail:

"Sherri if he is hot and you like him then do what is best for you. The attraction is important in a relationship."

Why is my dad so... weird?

Anyways, yes.. he's good looking, but that hardly matters. He makes me laugh and we have a great time together. Even though he's young--he turns 22 in August--it feels normal. It's the most normal start to a relationship I've had since high school. So yeah.. that's about as much as I'll post on the Internet about that. :)